Who has to understand me than myself?

Parents, relations, Wife and then later with friends, and also with the people I called the "beloved ones or dearest" the same case remained. Nobody understood the real me.

Actually I didn't achieved anything except the hatred of everybody, friends, relations, wife, parents and the other whom I call "dearest".

Its rather a human feeling that I need to be understood and recognized by my fellow human beings. In fact I belong to the same human category. This question often pops up in my mind "Why he/she is not understanding me?" Let it be with my mother or father, else my wife or friends, whoever it may be, I always felt this need of understanding from others.

I was a too curious young human, as the name suggests, when I was young. I wanted to know many things, I wanted to learn many things. I wanted to learn karate, music, keyboard, dancing, horse riding etc., :-) I was so active, wondered how this world is filled with so many wonders as this one life is not enough at all. I wanted to be recognized from whatever skill I acquire. Mentally I needed support. I know I have given them enough. But a universal concept is Love is unconditional. But knowing that still I longed for something. A understanding of the real me, the "What I am and What do I want to do?"

But things don't happen in the same way as we think of it. Right? If it happened so then I would not be in the condition in which I am now.


I remember the day when I nagged my mother to get me Rs.20/- for joining the karate class, and how my poor mom refused asking "What you are going to gain by learning it so?" There is another circumstance when my aunt questioned "What the heck you say you have talents, all are your imaginations only" I remember in both the situations I kept weeping in my mind for long days without knowing to anybody questioning "Why they don't understand me?" The latter hurt me a lot as I didn't spoke to anybody for at least a week.

My parents used to say 'You no need of achieving anything. Just have a petty shop and earn Rs.100 per day. That is more than enough'. These were days of sorry nights of no sleep with arguments and debate asking them to help me in my thoughts to make it real. The counter action from their side will be suppressing that I had nothing special. But I wanted to do more in life again ignoring that they don't understand me.

What I wanted is to achieve something out of this life, earning a recognition and a reputation, call it a status symbol, success, pepsi anything. The days postponed my curiosity. I grew up older. Again I expected my spouse to understand me. I said her I have many skills and I want to achieve something greater. It is God's Gift. I have creative sense, so I want to excel in that industry either as a movie mogul or something extraordinary. Surprisingly this will end up in a mess of conflicts and quarrels without understanding the deep love on her. Money making for life will be her first choice.

Parents, relations, Wife and then later with friends, and also with the people I called the "beloved ones or dearest" the same case remained. Nobody understood the real me. My prompt answer for everybody would be "If I am okay, then people around me will be okay, but I need somebody to support me, mentally, understand me, push me up in doing things. But I was left bare handed, marked UNFIT.

At these days of illness, even I threw the illness out of me mentally, I wondered yes what they said was true. I may die even without achieving the least thing I wanted in my life. Actually I didn't achieved anything except the hatred of everybody, friends, relations, wife, parents and the other whom I call "dearest". I wonder It could have been better to earn that Rs.100/- than uselessly looking forward for other things. Maybe it is like "No. they have understood about life, not necessary that they have to understand me and if I have to understand about me then it only myself. If it don't suit anything the surroundings, throw it or you will become a waste dump, as my student pointed as a comment in Facebook once.