Somebody called it madness. Somebody feels I am a lunatic. But only thing I remembered is when my psychiatrist questioned me "If you cannot tolerate hunger over single time, then how come you say you are going to achieve greater things". It was the comment he made when I shouted madly for not treating at proper time where I have to avoid food for almost a day. I really felt so much hungry that day. But that question remained in my mind. I kept mumbling my questions of my struggle these days, when I really felt bad when my condition become bad enough to receive ECTs(Electro Convulsive Therapy) to relieve back from my depression. My running questions in my mind those days were;
Series of questions boggling my mind made me feel uneasy and heavy in my mind. Almost one year of Sleepless days without answers for my questions. The questions which cannot be answered by any man. Only by God himself. I felt I have to check my will power too. I made up my mind that I should not eat anything until I get the answer from HIM or cosmos. The deep concentration of my sub-conscious mind on these factors started producing the results one by one. The cosmos started speaking to me. When every one was happy with the beginning of the new year, I began my new year with my introspections. All I felt is I have to accumulate what I thought and what I taught. This should be fed to the needy and those who seek. "Hour Long Un-necessary Lectures" this was the black mark on me by my students. I must structure it to give to those who seek. My Fast continued.
25 days after my long fast, I structured the answer for my riddles, answered by HIM. I am happy I received them from Father Almighty. I am happy that my will power is there still uncontaminated. Now I am going to continue my fast for the next five days still I implement what I have accumulated so far in my mind.
I can now boldly answer my psychiatrist "If I am going to Fail, then who else in this world will succeed?"
- Is that all for what I have not done?
- Why I have to suffer all this pain and agony now? What I have done wrong?
- The evil doers are happy enjoying pleasure. Why they are not condemned by God? Don't they deserve it?
- I didn't received even a single call enquiring my this serious illness from anybody whom I believed my beloved ones. Are humans only this much?
- My hour long lectures to Human Perfection have gone waste, besides I have to suffer pain and agony too. Were my efforts wrong?
- Was what I have done could not be forgiven if that was so done by me?
- What was my mistake? What I have to do to rectify it?
Series of questions boggling my mind made me feel uneasy and heavy in my mind. Almost one year of Sleepless days without answers for my questions. The questions which cannot be answered by any man. Only by God himself. I felt I have to check my will power too. I made up my mind that I should not eat anything until I get the answer from HIM or cosmos. The deep concentration of my sub-conscious mind on these factors started producing the results one by one. The cosmos started speaking to me. When every one was happy with the beginning of the new year, I began my new year with my introspections. All I felt is I have to accumulate what I thought and what I taught. This should be fed to the needy and those who seek. "Hour Long Un-necessary Lectures" this was the black mark on me by my students. I must structure it to give to those who seek. My Fast continued.
25 days after my long fast, I structured the answer for my riddles, answered by HIM. I am happy I received them from Father Almighty. I am happy that my will power is there still uncontaminated. Now I am going to continue my fast for the next five days still I implement what I have accumulated so far in my mind.
I can now boldly answer my psychiatrist "If I am going to Fail, then who else in this world will succeed?"
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